Conservatives Are Funny People, It's Just That You're Not In On The Joke

Oh, those poor misunderstood conservatives. It's not that they're not funny, it's just that nobody "gets" their sense of humor, with the exception, of course, of other conservatives.
Take the wonderfully open minded folks at the Free Republic. Please. When some comments there made comments about Malia Obama looking like a "street whore", it was a joke made out of fear that soon, their daughters, like President Obama's, will be forced to dress like a common street trollop instead of the high-class hookers they want them to dress like. And asking them to apologize for it would be liking David Letterman to apologize for any inappropriate jokes he may have made about Sarah Palin's daughter. Except people actually watch David Letterman. I don't know anybody who would admit to visiting the Free Republic, except to catch updates on the homosexualagenda.
Even funnier is Pat Buchanan, dear old Uncle Pat to some people, which is why I don't understand why no one got his joke about how Todd Palin "ought to take Levi down to the creek and hold his head underwater until the thrashing stops.” Such wit and wordplay going on there! Levi, is of course, Levi Johnston, father to Todd Palin's bastard grandchild, and he made the mistake of actually speaking his mind, which is not funny in conservative circles. And Buchanan, former speechwriter for President Nixon, was probably recalling the good-old-days when political opponents were taken down to the Tidal Basin and drowned on a regular basis.
But by far, the funniest conservative is pro-assassination analyst Wayne Simmons who stated that Dick Cheney would never break the law. Sure, he may commit treason, get drunk and shoot his hunting partner in the face, fabricate intelligence to lead the US into an illegal war, lie about connections between Saddam Hussein and 9/11, and run a top secret assassination squad out of his office, but he would never break the law.
So the next time you hear a conservative reel off a really tasteless statement, just remember, it's just a joke. And don't expect them to apologize for your obvious lack of a sense of humor.

Get A Brain Morans

No one had time to spell check the sign because time was running out on making English our official language.
(From here via here)

Palin Leaving To Become Reality Television Star

In a move that surprised the heck out of a lot of people, Alaskan governor (and favorite late night talk show host punching bag) Sarah Palin has announced her resignation, effective July 26, of the office she has held for barely one term. This has caused some speculation, you betcha, of Palin's future plans, and how quitting the job she was elected to complete will hurt her chances in 2012.
The Insurgency has learned that far from retreating from the national spotlight, Palin will court it in her new position as reality television star. She has already signed on to appear as a contestant on Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice, as well as next summer's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!. She is also in the negotiation process for Real Housewives of Wasilla, a fill-in for Elizabeth Hasselback on The View, and her own show on the Fox News network where she will offer parenting tips, light news, and cooking segments on how to prepare moose, polar bear, and other delicacies of the northern country.
A spokesperson for the soon-to-be-former governor said that "Gov. Palin was tired of being 'out of the action' up in Alaska, She obviously feels her chances are better on television, where she can get the exposure, and paychecks, that will enable her to secure her party's nomination in the presidential election. Her slogan will be 'America Needs A Dose of Reality', and what better way to get that cred than becoming America's pre-eminent reality star?"

Payback For All Those Boner Jokes?

While displaying a chart opposing House Democrats bill on global warming climate change, Minority Leader John Boehner accidentally displayed a photo of Hose, I mean, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi in a compromising position. Boehner than apologized and blamed staffers for the snafu while fellow House Republicans chuckled. The bill passed in the House, in spite of Boehner's dirty trick.

The Big Chill

Bickering like an old married couple.

The More Things Change.......

.. the more the Satan worshippers show their hands!

How To Design A Conservative Book Cover

Readin' the post below by Lew (and followin' the link) I noticed there was something awfully familiar with Joe the Plumber's new book: it looked like every other conservative book of the last eight years. You know, the author, in a heroic pose, a background featurin' either an American flag, or famous American landmark, title alludin' to some imaginary battle against liberals these folks are fightin', a subtitle glorifyin' the imaginary battle as a real battle "to save America". Now I wonder, do they all use the same designer, or do they look at each others books and say, yeah, that's what I want, the same exact thing that everybody else has because like conservatism myself, I am totally bereft of ideas and/or original thought.
So here it is folk: my conservative book. Notice my flag background, plus that picture of me shakin' hands with George Bush, which would have been all the rage three years ago, now even the conservatives have distanced themselves from him.

Never Give A Book Deal To Someone Whose Fan Base Doesn't Like To Read

True story here. Yesterday, Wilbur asked me who Joe the Plumber was. I tried to explain to him that Joe, whose name isn't really Joe, and isn't really a plumber, somehow became famous when candidate Barack Obama was in his neighborhood and Joe asked him a question about how much Barack planned on raising his taxes. This made him a darling of the over $250,000 a year media pundits who benefited dearly from the Bush tax cuts. The irony is, with the new economic stimulus plan, Joe would be getting a tax cut, but now, by exploiting his instant celebrity, he probably is now one of those whose taxes will be raised. For this year, anyways.
Joe is also a good example of why the economy is so screwed. Someone, in their infinite (or infinitesimal) wisdom deemed it necessary to grant Joe a book deal.That was a good idea. I guess book editors, like Joe himself, thought his fame would go on infinitely, leapfrogged him over thousands of real hopeful authors (like the record company that leapfrogged him over talented musicians and singers to give him a record deal) to give him a book deal, probably ghost written, that now looks about as intelligent a decision as choosing Sarah Palin as your running mate, or granting a mortgage to someone like me.
Well, Joe, your time's almost up. Soon, you'll have all these wonderful memories of when you used to be someone while you're snaking some fat lady's toilet. Hope you kept a scrapbook!